The Modest Wedding Guest
Why should modesty be a consideration when attending a wedding? Simply because, while it is quite natural to be the center of our own attention, a wedding guest who wants to be the center of attention at a wedding ought to just have declined the invitation. The wedding, my friends, is about the two people getting married. They are the rightful center of attention.
Here’s where I cease to be dictator. From now on, consider my ideas descriptive, not prescriptive. In other words, these are words with which I hope to paint a picture of modesty, not a list of rules.
The modest wedding guest …
- chooses a color or print, as opposed to black or white (black is okay for evening weddings).
- prefers a softer tint or shade to something intense like red or cobalt blue.
- foregoes the sequins and spangles, as well as anything that you’d wear “clubbing”.
- remembers she’ll be sitting down. Skirts should be long enough to cover thighs when sitting. And when viewed from behind, sitting in a pew, the wearer of a halter dress may appear to be wearing nothing at all!
- doesn’t choose to skip, even if the couple’s religion dictates stricter guidelines (like sleeves).
- and the big, obvious, in-your-face one: please, no cleavage!
Admittedly, depending on the wearer, any of these pictured could appear immodest. The good news is they are all from Nordstrom.com’s page of dresses under $150.
This post is for the Carnival of Modesty, hosted by MamaArcher. 
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Do You Need a Bailout?
Mandee is offering us a 20% discount on their already affordable clothing.
Now, a few thoughts about shopping juniors. On the plus side, junior offerings are generally fun, trendy, and inexpensive. On the minus is shopping environment, specifically the noise. Yet another reason to shop online!
Junior clothing is the “skinny” segment of the women’s clothing market. My strategy is this: because my figure type lends itself to smallness in tops (misses tops are often too wide, too short, with darts too low), I shop juniors for tops and jackets, keeping in mind to go up a size or two (I wear a medium in juniors but a small or even extra small in misses). Generally I can barely get junior jeans past my knees, or if I get them all the way on there is this monstrous gap in the back.
Although they don’t sell many of the luxury fabrics and career looks I like, junior retailers can be a great source for cotton basics as well as an affordable place to grab something fun. I need more fun. 
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Spring 2009 Fashion Trends
The sun is out today! While it’s still too cold to go without silk skivvies, it’s timely for me to pose the question:
Which of glamour.com’s most wearable Spring 2009 trends should Frugal Mom adopt?
And to share my thoughts, one word style:
- zipper accents: pass
- relaxed fit pants: wait (or should I say “weight”?)
- sophisticated trench: invest
- hot pink: finally!
- oversize necklaces: sprinkles (as in, if you already have the cake and the frosting and you want more …)
- black-on-white print: perfect
- oversize pattern bag: beach
- big bangles: annoying
- touch of neon: young
- mix-and-match patterns: doable
- pastel suit: Easter
- sequins: strategically
- Sergeant Pepper jacket: caution
- color-blocking: boring
- 80s flair: inevitable
- embellished boho: specific (as in, if it’s you, it’s you; if not, it’s tired)
I’ve highlighted my favorites. Clearly, much more can be said. Are any of these looks on your shopping list this season?
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Fashion Lab: Mother of the Bride
Updated to add: Duchesse at Passage des Perles has scoured the internet for tasteful mother of the bride styles. See her picks at Rebelling against Mother of the Bride drag.
Here are your instructions:
For each dress you may offer an estimate of the age of the wearer, personality trait(s), and perhaps also how she relates to the bride (mother, grandmother, stepmother, or other). And any other comments.
Dresses from Nordstrom.com:
Do you like any of these looks for me?
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Bodies Are Three Dimensional
From Eternal Voyageur, illumination on body shape confusion: the 3rd Dimension, aka where Trinny and Susannah went wrong. Basically, her point is that all these silhouette systems, including the one I use, only take into account the forward view, therefore they are limited in usefulness.
In The Triumph of Individual Style, the point is made that it is possible to be one shape from the front and another from the back, along with advice for dressing accordingly. But I can think of instances where the side view is a different shape as well. (MyShape’s system accounts for this.)
Honestly, I have no idea whether this “side issue” (ha ha) is a concern for me or not. Every time I look at myself in profile, I suck in my stomach and pull myself up straight. Have you struggled to find your body shape? Lots of people do. Here’s my favorite suggestion:
Instead of trying to pick your figure out of a finite number of shapes, can you choose a silhouette of clothing which is easy for you to wear, given both your personality and your figure?
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Personality vs Persona
idiom: A style of artistic expression characteristic of a given individual …
personality: an individual’s behavioral and emotional characteristics
persona: an individual’s social facade or front that reflects the role in life the individual is playing
On this blog, I use the term “style personality” to describe one of six types based on personal characteristics such as how quickly we adopt new styles, whether we prefer to stand out or blend in, and how much fashion pain we will tolerate. “Idiom” includes everything: personality plus silhouette, signature color, lifestyle and geography, etc.
Now enter “persona”. Sometimes used interchangeably with personality, I am snagging this word to make an important distinction: personality is based on what you think, persona is based on the opinion of those who see you.
A persona can be almost like a cliche. When a man wears a navy polo shirt, khakis, and neatly groomed hair, it conveys a certain look, along with a certain set of expectations. If any man (who had all his teeth) wanted to put on the traditional persona for a casual setting, all he would need is a navy blue polo shirt, pair of khakis, and a trim.
This is all part of a recent epiphany I had, reading Jennifer Skinner’s article on Style Personas. This outstanding quote says it all:
Whether you like the idea or not, other people will be classifying you and making certain judgments…why not help guide them in the direction you wish them to go? If you are looking to make a certain impression, it pays to know how you will be interpreted.
She then goes on to describe five commonly understood personas, along with some of their sub-sets, and the characteristics commonly ascribed to each. Can you find in this list the persona you are conveying? Is it the one you want?
Having previously struggled with the question “how do you wish to be perceived by others?” trying to identify one attribute at a time, with the attributes clustered by persona I was instantly able to see both which one I want (CHIC/SOPHISTICATE) and what my problem has been (A chic dresser favors black and neutral colors with bold accessories). Without the bold accessories, I look either conservative or earthy.
But it doesn’t really explain my compulsion to seek out groovy prints! LOL
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25 Things, the Facebook Meme
In order to spend a few thoughts on sharpening my personal style idiom, I’m breaking with tradition to do a meme. And for my facebook friends have no idea what a “meme” is: it’s one of those viral projects for which “tags” are issued. Since my current policy is not to do memes, I will not be tagging anyone. But consider yourself invited!
25 Things About Me, Mostly About Style Preferences
- Before I developed metal allergies, I wore mostly larger earrings.
- The holes in my earlobes are uneven enough that I will never be caught - dead or alive! - in studs.
- I never buy myself fine jewelry, because my hero enjoys buying it for me as gifts.
- Somebody better remind him that Valentine’s Day is coming up. Number One on my list: silver-colored earrings (he knows exactly what size and style). I’m nearly to the point of being willing to go out and buy them for myself.
- My favorite print is paisley. I also love argyle, and anything else groovy.
- I wish to never again wear a skirt that doesn’t reach below my knees. It has nothing to do with being conservative or the way my knees look; rather the precise proportions of my body look most elegant with a hem just below the knee.
- Which leads me to think I may do better with vintage for my mother of the bride dress.
- I seriously considered wearing my mom’s wedding dress. Unfortunately, it would not zip.
- I am barely sentimental (or romantic) at all.
- At the risk of sounding conceited, I don’t really think I needed a “comeback”. It was all more a part of an ongoing process.
- Also at the risk of sounding conceited, I have decided that I have the option to look either plain or pretty. Ugly would be hard for me to pull off.
- However, I concede that effortlessly gorgeous is utterly beyond my grasp.
- And I was not born with the body to be a model.
- That said, I admit I don’t spend alot of energy being disappointed with my body and have decided that, since it’s so easy for me to stay the size that I am, I’m not going to spend alot of energy trying to lose just a few more pounds. So — if I pull it out of my closet and try to put it on and it doesn’t fit? It’s gone!
- Almost every day I wish I could sew. I spend the time I would be working on learning to sew either blogging or learning to paint watercolor.
- Also on my list of things I don’t like (for me): boot cut pants.
- Sometimes I have very costumy ideas about what I’d like to wear. But I don’t have the confidence to get past the opinions of family members who don’t like that stuff.
- The biggest barrier to achieving my most authentic personal style is probably unwillingness to spend $$$.
- The second biggest barrier is probably my unwillingness to wear the same thing(s) as everybody else.
- The third biggest barrier might be my unwillingness to settle for wearing black.
- Whether or not to wear black is probably the most controversial topic I have blogged.
- Also controversial: v-necks are out.
- And: girls should dress like girls.
- I have a real problem with people-pleasing, so posting controversial topics takes alot of courage.
- IMO, having all age segregated programming in the church is neither biblical nor sustainable.
Ugh! I’m glad that’s over!
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When Do You Combine Differing Styles?
Who besides me remembers when longish dresses worn with granny boots (or combat boots) were everyday casual wear?
The differing styles were talking about here are mainly levels of formality, aka lifestyle segments (my basic four: leisure, casual, business, social). In the above example, social (dress) + leisure (boots) = casual (nicer everyday wear). And, hard as it is for me to believe now, we all wore it. Which leads me to my first declaration of personal opinion on the propriety of mixing disparate styles:
If it’s a mainstream look and you have a mainstream personal style, go for it!
For example, it is still mainstream to wear flip-flops with everything, including wearing them as dress shoes. While I have a fairly mainstream idiom, I give this look a pass simply because I am not comfortable in flip-flops. And I do believe there are a few places where flip-flops are still inappropriate: the White House, professional office setting, or anytime you have to walk in front of a group of people quietly watching you. Conversely (no pun intended),
if you are a true style innovator, mixing metaphors is an integral part of your idiom.
After all, somebody first popularized the wearing of dresses and granny boots, right? Young people, aka the pre-employed, have more latitude in these matters; presumably they are still experimenting and finding their personal style. Also, if you haven’t yet collected all your permanent wardrobe pieces; you may not have the perfect patent leather sandals to wear to the family reunion, flip-flops will have to do.
There is one final circumstance in which I think it makes sense to combine differing styles, one which is a little trickier and sometimes messes me up:
when your accent style contrasts with your main style personality, combining those two styles is part of your idiom.
Such is the case with me: my main style is contemporary classic, my accent style is functional natural. How does that mess me up, you ask? Suddenly the other day, when I was reading some Jennifer Skinner’s excellent articles, I realized that, in combination with some other aspects of my personal idiom (budget, metal allergies, and so forth), contemporary + functional can misread as conservative. Which is not me. Except in politics.
So what’s your combining styles story?
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